Love and Marriage
February 14th 2008 04:51
Well, no, in my opinion. The whole affair is both corny and contrived. Surely we shouldn't need to pencil in a specific time when we display our love and affection for our partners (or potential partners). This we can, and should, do daily and without the help of Hallmark.
It's not that I'm unromantic, it's just that I have the knack (or the curse) of boiling things down to their simplest level and seeing through the charade that people go through simply because it's always been the norm.
I see marriage in the same way, and I know I'm probably going to lose some of you here, but please give me a chance to explain. I am not married and have no real desire to be. I do have a partner, whom I love and cherish, and I can't imagine a time when I won't be with her. Neither of us are particularly religious, neither of us have a bank balance that can carry the financial onslaught that most weddings bring, and neither of us feel an overwhelming urge to put down on paper what we already know - that we love each other unreservedly. I really don't see the merit of signing a piece of paper, which to me implies a certain level of ownership.
Recently, at dinner, I asked an engaged friend of ours to explain her reasons for getting married. Big mistake apparently, as I was stared at by the rest of the table like I had just shot an orphan. I don't know why they considered this question so taboo, but it appeared it was. Once the frosty stares had thawed a little she gave me her main reason and it's been something that has stayed with me since. She said that she was getting married so that her fiance will stand up in front of everyone and say, 'I love this woman and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.' I immediately leapt to my feet, grabbed the hand of my partner and said, 'I love this woman and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.' Actually I didn't. But I could have done. The pedant in me would have loved it and the truth is I would have meant it.
You see, I have no problem with the idea of spending your entire life with one person. If anything, it's an incredibly comforting thought that I will grow old with my current partner. But why the ceremony? Why the grandiose gesture that can, if we're completely honest, have a tendency to descend into pantomime? No. It's lost on me.
My partner, however, does not entirely share my views on this subject, so there is a good chance I will eventually get married (me? henpecked?) and when I stand up there and profess my eternal love I will mean every last word of it. But I don't need the wedding for that... that's what St. Valentine's Day is for right?
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